Escaping reality… where is your contentment at?

If I could just escape the realities of life I’d be on a better course in my life path. How many people actually say this? I bet a lot. Life’s realities can be often overwhelming and powerful in the changes that we seem to never be prepared for in life. It can be illness, careers, family, and in many other areas where we see the most impressionable changes. Do these changes reflect the what is needed or what must be?

I often ask myself the question of contentment; what will make me content in life? What is it that makes us each happy? 

This is a difficult question. For each of us this can vary greatly. I tend to sway from one scenario to another unable to land on exactly where I’d be content in my life. So much has happened, and there is yet much to come. How do you determine what it is you really want in life? I can give you a perfect example. I find that due to my currently situation my “where am I content” question can change. I’ve always been fascinated with the rural life of homesteaders yet having multiple chronic illnesses my fear of not being close to great medical care frightens me. Now not everyone living a more rural life has perfect health but I’m so use to having the convenience of great medical care right down the street I wonder how I would adjust. I mean going to a pharmacy would be an event! At least an hour drive I’d assume. Then I go to wanting to be back in Arizona where I lived life simple yet convenient. Low maintenance life with many fun activities and travel. With the lack of major household responsibilities you have a greater level of freedom. On the contrary being an owner of a homestead even if you don’t have animals you’re more likely not to leave. You have your haven why would you leave?

IN THE END IT’S ABOUT THE MONEY… OR IS IT?

Let’s face it money is a factor is our quality of contentment. You can be content but not having a quality of contentment. Meaning you can be content and very uncomfortable financially yet satisfied internally. However we still need to pay our bills and how will you make money on your homestead? Sure there are ways but are you able? Do you have the resources and knowledge to make it happen? Money, as much as we’d not like it to, plays a big part in finding your contentment. Can you be OK living on little money? Just enough to get you by. Or is it a big part of your life? Do you want to travel abroad, get a boat, or indulge in the many luxuries in life? I remember being in Arizona and the late and seeing all the Pontoon boats thinking boy I’d love to have one of those. Sure it would be fun but would I REALLY use it? Do I even entertain to that level? Realistically I don’t. I don’t even have the energy to do that.

WHEN REALITY SMACKS YOU IN THE FACE

I recall a few homesteaders who do YouTube saying that at some point reality smacks you in the face. You didn’t realize all that goes into making your dream come true. Never in a million years did you think you’d be forking out so much just to maintain their place of contentment. It was underestimated the level of physical labor it was going to be. When you’re evaluating your life and goals you have to put it all on the table. Research others who do it and if it’s even realistic. Take into consideration if you have school aged children can they handle that change. Also do you have health issues that may require you to be near medical professionals? Do you have allergies you didn’t know about? Do you have physical restrictions that stop you from being able to run such a project.

FINDING MIDDLE GROUND

How do you remedy the situation you’re now in. Suburbs, urban, rural… so many choices to think about. You can find a compromise and that is to meet in the middle. For example there are areas near the suburbs where they have properties with 1/2 acre plus. This could work well since you’d be close enough to what you need to access yet you’d have the land to satisfy the desire to Homestead. There are so many options to find that middle ground.

IN THE END IT ALL WORKS OUT AS G_D INTENDED 

In the end it’s in G_ds hands. Just pray about it and let G_d guide you through the decisions.

Bringing Back The Traditional Wife & Mother

There isn’t a day I’m not coming across a vlog, group, or post regarding the “Trad Wife”. We’ve all seen it right? So what is trad wife? The trad wife stands for the traditional wife. Step back in time before the mid-60s and there you have the majority of women who fit the mold of the trad wife. You may have thought it had been long lost in the past, but it has come through like an unstoppable wave online. This isn’t necessarily a new movement. It just looks like people are talking about it more and younger people are catching on too. So let’s take this topic like a bear tearing through the high walls of feminism exposing the lies of indoctrination of society.

If your 40+ in age the memories may be washing over you when we reminisce back to those days. The days when being a traditional wife wasn’t so uncommon. It really wasn’t that long ago when society didn’t looked down on a woman who was a housewife and mother. A time when a woman made the choice to prioritize her family, and it wasn’t looked down upon.

WHEN THE SWITCH FLIPPED

Young woman got into their late teens/early 20s and the tides had changed for the worse. More and more women were looking down on the idea of staying home. “I never want to end up like my mother.” Instead, they were looking to their careers and postponing having children. They were more focused on not being dependent on some man, and retain their freedom from the clutches of a dominant and controlling man. Through their childhood and teenage years, the most impressionable times, they were fueled by fears of being one of “those women” by their own mothers, aunts, and the media. How can you say this?! It’s because I know… I lived it.

DID YOU SEE IT COMING?

One can’t deny looking back that it was a slow progression of indoctrination started by the feminist movement. The 60s may have been seen as the “revolutionary” period in which women stood their ground. As they were “burning their bras” in defiance to the rules man the most damage was done in the years that followed. At the time we saw it as steps forward to making more financial solid households. A women make a “contribution” to the income. Providing the financial means to help their children to fulfill the dreams they didn’t such as going to university. The one place those indoctrinated children could freely spread the disease of the fractured family. Did you see it coming? Probably not, but now when you look back you can’t help but shake your head.

One could write many books on the reasons but this is how I saw it from my own eyes.

TAKE G-D OUT OF EVERYTHING

Take the fear of G_d out of everything and you will be robbed a harmonious family, life, and society. It starts in the home then crept into the schools. Observing the L_rds day just became a day to watch Football. Rather than focusing on time with the family it became another day of resting in preparation of the work week. I mean we only get 2 days! I’ll keep this “taking G_d out of everything” for another post, but let’s move on. I think you got the point.

I WORK THEREFORE I’M EQUAL

If you think for one minute that simply because you hold a job outside the home that you are in some way equal to a man you are fooling yourself. You are already equal you just fail to see it. Working outside the home doesn’t make you anything more than a bitch. Yep, I said what everyone thinks but don’t have the guts to say it.  I’ve worked outside the home my entire adult life, so I know firsthand. Working outside the home doesn’t roll off naturally for a woman. No matter how much you lie to yourself while you’re reading this you know that’s the truth. Having 2 bosses is the most overwhelming unnatural feeling for any woman. Women want simplicity and one boss.

Let me break this down for you. Many men reading this are going to end with a loud “Amen!” and many of you women are going to get downright angry. Why the anger? Because you know I’m right. Let me tell you what you don’t want to hear. When you get home from your “job” your husband gets to meet his supposed equal; the bitch. Are you mad? I bet you are. There is nothing more unpleasant for a man then to come home to a wife who’s just finished an equally long day working outside the home. Why? Because now she’s got 2 BOSSES and you, the husband, will always come in 2nd! You heard me right. She’s got you AND her work “boss”. Which boss will she prioritize? You? No, she’ll always put her other boss before you. Why? Because she’s been programed that work equals money, and money equals freedom to leave your ass whenever she feels fit. You can thank the feminist movement. You’re welcome.

Reflect about what has just been said. Face the fact that the boss that comes before the boss G_d assigned in your life is money (your job). Harsh to think about isn’t it. Let me break this down for you. If you don’t put your work “boss” 1st you have a risk right? You’ll lose your job which means you’ll lose your income which means you’ll lose your freedom. You also risk the comfortable 2 income lifestyle you’ve come accustom to. If you don’t put your husband 1st do you have any risks? Actually no. He’s been so stripped of his masculinity that he wouldn’t dare say what he really thinks showing you what a real fascist you’ve married. Ow the horror! Men are terrified to say anything and honestly it’s the biggest turn off for any real woman. Again, please thank all the feminist.

Men don’t want to compete for your attention. When you put your job “boss” before him it makes him feel feelings similar to jealously. You’re his wife. As your husband he is your only authority under G_d, so he naturally wants you under him not having to compete for your attention. When he has to compete with your job “boss” it suddenly gives him a feeling of being dismissed and meaningless in your life. He thinks to himself, “what’s the point?”

MEN ARE TERRIFIED & WOMEN ARE CONFUSED

Thanks to the feminist we have successfully stripped men of their masculinity. In the process of men not being MEN women have lost their femininity. I mean I can’t tell you how many times in my lifetime I’ve been in a relationship and I found myself running to answer the door even though my husband is home. I don’t know… shouldn’t the man answer in case there is danger at the door? How many times have you moved furniture not even thinking to ask your husband, the man, do it. Wait wait wait… how many of you have moved furniture while your man was watching. OMG!

All I can say is we need to fix this mess that has been made. Those of us with our head on straight need to guide and show the younger generations the true value of family. We need them to understand that though G_d made us different with different roles it does not mean we are not equal. It is when he come together as one completing each other that we flow naturally as G_d intended.

Today I Decided to Delete My Personal Facebook Profile

It’s the dreaded decision many face at least a few times in their lives. I can’t tell you the number of times people have announced they were going to leave FB forever! Yet, a month later they are still on there posting away. I’m guilty of it too! Trust me the decision isn’t one that I take lightly. How will I keep up with all the local events? How will I keep up with everyone’s lives and their family fun pictures? My cousins who live so far away how will I keep in touch? Finally, how will I keep everyone up to date on my own selfish life?

WHERE THE CHALLENGE LIVES

For most the idea of no longer having their facebook page is stressful for good reason. Are you ready for the truth? Here it is. It’s like a drug. An addiction. Sure this might sound a bit overly dramatic, but there is much truth to this unhealthy daily ritual the majority of us take part in. Think about how mindless social media is. This was the plan. Lets get everyone hooked on constant stimulation so that most of society follow like sheep whatever they hear and see. Rather than use their own mind to evaluate a situation they will quickly come to judgement even if it’s not in their best interest.

LONG WERE THE DAYS…

Long were the days when I carried my day planner and had a flip phone. Yes a flip phone for only making calls! I’m old enough to remember when cell phones didn’t even exist. Now, try leaving your house without your “smart” phone. Do you feel the sudden panic of having left your child alone in the house? Do you frantically fling things in your car hoping it just slipped through the seat? Maybe it fell on the floor?

Facebook when it first started was something you’d go to when you were in front of your desktop. You designated time that you were on your computer and mostly it was for a few minutes. Now with these smart phones we carry FB with us everywhere. It’s with you in the car, work, dinner, church, and anywhere else you may find yourself. Does the idea of no more “Likes”, no more “Comments”, no more groups to belong to cause you do have a mini stroke? How can one survive without all this stimulation? Back in my time you cold go on a road trip or even out for the night and no one could track you down. No one could find you. It was amazing to have that freedom!

HOW I FINALLY DID IT

I decided I would send an IM to each person on my facebook that I care about and want to keep in touch with. I sent a short message along with my address, phone number, and email address. Previously I had posted it on my facebook feed and looking back that wasn’t the best way to depart. All those 300+ “friends” you have will start commenting they’ll miss you etc. No they won’t. They don’t even really know you! If you will see them again it will happen just like it did before FB. The feedback was refreshing and encouraging. “I don’t blame you… so sick of the drama!” “I wish I could do it too!” I even encouraged people to snail mail me. I so miss opening a letter and the anticipating in reading what that person has to say. Try it and I can promise you it’s a wonderful feeling that will have you hooked.

SHUNNING ALL SOCIAL MEDIA?

Now I do have social media obviously. Instagram and Twitter are ones that I have however they don’t suck up the degree of time Facebook did in my life. There is only so much you can do on those platforms. Facebook is like going to an ongoing community meeting that never seems to end. It’s like Christmas dinner at your house and the family just never leaves your house. See where I’m going with this? I have an issue on a personal level. I get why you’d use it for business. Do I think it’s all bad? No. There are people who network for their businesses through FB and that’s fine. My issue with Facebook is the use of it at a personal level (not business). Facebook is so damaging that it breaks up relationships. It causes divorces. It leaves room for misunderstandings. It’s a destructive force to be dealt with when it comes to peoples personal lives.

WORDS TO THOSE ON THE FENCE

Leaving Facebook is a personal decision for each person. The only thing I can say is step back and look at your life. Ask yourself has it been a positive influence or has it not. Ask yourself if there are things you could be doing instead of the hours spent on FB. Ask yourself if there are projects in your life that have been neglected due to your time on FB. Ask yourself what value are you gaining from being on FB. Ask yourself if it is drawing a wedge in the time you have with your spouse. Ask yourself if you could be doing more with your children and/or family.

Go out. Do something fun outside the house. Reach into yourself and see what things you’d love to do and do it. Take a road trip and disconnect from the “smart” part of your phone. Look having a cell phone is great. There are times it is necessary and absolutely a wonderful invention. however one must ask was the “smart” part really put there to help us be more smart or did it make us more dumb and dysfunctional.

WHAT I’M GETTING OUT OF THIS DECISION

First I want to reach deeper into my creative side. I’d love to spend more time doing my crocheting, sewing, art, and reading. I look forward to the more focused time with my family and friends. Finally I’m excited to be back to writing on my blog! This blog has been a passion of mine for years and it feel so right being back here writing again.

BTW, I still have my Mystic Hippie page/group up so it’s not like I’m completely OFF of Facebook lol! I just took my personal life OFF Facebook with great joy and excitement!

Mystic

Depth of spirituality… Christianity and mysticism

I was thinking today about religion. Well OK I’ve been thinking about this topic forever however the last few weeks especially after attending the Peach Music Festival in August I’ve been in deep thought. What role does religion play in my life? Having followed the Mormon faith for a good number of years why is it that I can’t let go? Do I want to follow the more spiritual path rather than the religious one?

Assuming that everyone at some point in their life questions things especially their faith it’s been a struggle for me. For me it’s all about the spiritual depth of my faith. There hasn’t been a time where I’ve attended a church and felt completely fulfilled with enriched enlightenment. Sure I got a great deal out of it but not to the depth that I was seeking. My journey has been to find this but I haven’t had luck so I wonder often… should I start my own group?

Let me begin by saying the Mormon faith has a great deal of Mysticism within it. In particular the Temple and it’s ritualistic/symbolic acts. Where I find a void is in the weekly Sunday gathers as they call it Sacrament. The idea that I have to attend these meetings to receive said blessings and be considered “worthy” boggles my mind. That I have to give 10% tithing to be considered worthy in G_ds eyes makes my heart shutter. I would much prefer the “give if you can when you can” method of tithing by the way. I believe it takes money to run things even if small to do G_ds work but I don’t ever want someone to feel obligated when they have nothing to give. It turns me off because they really do believe that you should give tithing BEFORE you pay your bills. To me this is absurd thinking! So the idea is pay your tithing so that you are blessed and somehow by a miracle your bills will get paid. WTF! No, please pay your bills so you can survive.

Then there was the Spiritualist church I went to once. To me it seemed very robotic with chants of their values and again the uncomfortable passing of the plate for money. The one thing that struck me as a big negative was that they called themselves Christians yet there was no mention of G_d or Jesus. Frankly there was no mention of ANYTHING Christian!

Just as a witch can be fundamental in belief and mysticism so can a Christian. I’m not sure why there is a disconnect between the 2 when it comes to Christianity. There is so much mysticism in Christianity and without it the spiritual core would be lost. Those of us who are Mystics believe in a deeper more spiritual connection directly with our Savior. We seek to help others dive into that realm as well if that is their desire. Mystics add to the deeper understanding of the spiritual side of faith whether Christian, Jewish, or Pagan.

I would love to one day start with a small group even if for a hour a week meeting up and having discussion around Mysticism. Where it could lead no one knows. However I can say this much it would be centered on the Savior with all praise going to Him. Along with meditation there should be prayer and I didn’t see that at the Spiritualist group I went to. I wonder how many seek the same…

Summer plans… business motivation

I can’t believe it’s been since February 13th since I’ve posted on my blog! I’m really slacking with things aren’t I. Summers right here facing me head on and I just want to do everything under the sun. I want to walk barefoot on the beach. Is that asking to much? My boyfriend isn’t a big beach person. Actually he doesn’t like it much at all. Me on the other hand was always a beach person. One of the few differences we have between us. The weather bounces from being very hot to suddenly hold here on the East Coast. It’s annoying because each time I plan to go to the beach the weather doesn’t cooperate!

My kids are leaving soon for summer break. Their father lives out of state so they go the entire summer. It’s a mixed bag of emotions for me about it. I’m very sad because I miss them like crazy when they’re aren’t around me. On the other hand I don’t get those every other weekend breaks like most divorced parents so it’s nice to have some me time. It’s just so long of a period of time 😦

I have tons of plans this summer. You know it’s the year of the Grateful Dead! Every music festival is gearing towards that theme which is awesome and I’m so excited to go to my first multi-day music festival in over 16+ years! My boyfriend isn’t sure if he’s going to be able to go since he can’t really do tent camping due to some physical injuries that make it uncomfortable. We’ve looked at securing a small RV but I haven’t found the one that I really want which would be vintage style that I can pull with my SUV. I might be doing it solo.

The one that I selected to go to is the Peach Music Festival in Scranton PA which is only a few hours from me. I am also considering doing the All Good Music Festival in Summit point, WV but not 100% sure about that one. Though it’s also 3 day event I won’t be able to get there until Friday night so not sure how the camping situation would be coming in there so late. I’ll have to do more research. Those are going to be my main multi-day events that I’ll be attending. I wish so much that my boyfriend could go 😦

My work sucks as usual. I feel like I trapped doing something I don’t enjoy. I wish I had time to do my crafts and build an inventory of things I could sell on Etsy or someplace online. I’m more eager than ever to start that chapter in my life. I want to do what makes me happy not work for the corporate machine just doing my day to day things. There is that part of me that wished there were layoffs and I was one of them. I think that type of a jolt in my life would send me forward in what I really want to do in life.

I’m always checking online for mystic type wholesalers for selling online but nothing really had caught my eye as a great resource. I feel stuck. How I see it working is building some type of an inventory equally divided between things I make and things I got from wholesalers to sell. Setting up at different flea markets and music festivals/venues and building the business from there. Of course I’d start with an online store but as you know in retail the more you get out face to face with people the more of a following you’ll create. I have 4 years to get this going and I’m determined I just don’t know how to get started. I don’t know what to start first or what to do first. There is no money so I can’t just go out and buy things. There needs to be a strategy!

I guess what I should be focusing on is my business plan. As someone who’s had her own business I’m not sure why this is proving to be far more challenging than ever before. Strange.

Slowing down in life

There’s a side of me that has to slow down. Like my brain is 10 paces before my reality. Just as I eliminate things in my life to slow things down I quickly go and pick up 10 more things to complicate it. I’m just not sure what to do any longer to keep myself level. I don’t want the crazy busy life but it’s as if it finds me and twists me up in all kinds of excitement. At times I feel like I just get drawn into the “keeping up with the jones” like everyone else even when I know it’s wrong. How do you stop the cycle that society has stuck us in? How do you keep against the grain without freaking people out?

Look my boyfriend already thinks I’m a weirdo hippie chick and my kids well they call me “Hippie Mommy” so you can see where I’m going with all this. However look at me during the work day and I look like everyone else. I drive my SUV and have my nice house in the burbs. As soon as I talk about living off grid or living among other like minded individuals it’s like people tune me out. They just think I’ve lost it. How can this woman who has everything going for her want to do something so radical like living off grid and such. Gosh I’m working on planning my garden for the spring and people think I’m out of my mind lol! Why not just get it at the market?

I worry if when my kids are older will my boyfriend be cool with getting some land to go off grid and bit. He’s not a very nature friendly person but he was raised in a rural farming area. He appreciates his cable and convenience stores close by. Now I don’t want to live too far out cause that would be too extreme for me. What would I do in a medical emergency? I have to know a doctor and hospital are a close drive away. 

I’m torn on what to do each day of my life. I hate the work that I do. I dislike the way I live and would like to change it. The thought of changing anything makes me think twice because I have children I have to think about. Change doesn’t always go in a positive direction either. I think you have to think things through especially when it’s not only you it’s going to affect.

Do you have to go to church to be a Christian… organized religion, is it forever done?

Anyone who knows me at any level immediate thinks “she’s definitely not a conformist” or they will think after a discussion about politics and religion “she’s not a person who fits the box of organized religion”. In fact many of this may be true about me. Heck I’m a corporate working MJ smoking libertarian fiscally conservative peace and love Christian hippie! I don’t conform nor do I submit to everything someone with credentials tells me and most of all I’m not a clear picture when it comes to my faith. You don’t meet me and say ow yes she’s definitely Catholic or buddhist. No, you really get a mixed bag with me. I would say it’s the same the politics but this post is about religion.

I’ve always been drawn to cultish type region. The fact is I seek that strong radical thought. I want to be challenged and I want to be around people who don’t cave to societies norm. I guess that’s why I’m a Mormon. In many ways they’re radical but in other ways they’re just another massive world dominating religion. The thing is I don’t fit the box of a Mormon woman at all. Though I appreciate the leadership in our faith I do not believe they are infallible and the final word. However much I believe in the Prophet of our church I firmly believe that there are others who are Prophets of G_d that walk this earth. There is no doubt I am a Christian who believes in Jesus Christ as my L_rd and Savior. I believe that there were (and still are) others given gifts by G_d to fundamentally change the minds of unbelievers. I believe that there are other faiths and beliefs because G_d himself put them there to challenge our conventional thinking.

There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus was the first and true peace and love hippie.

What I don’t believe is that G_d and his son Jesus wanted organized religion. I believe that he gifted individuals with the power of prophecy but not rule. They wanted a world with many beliefs so that they may challenge each other with a deeper knowledge of the unknown. Seek that which you do not know much is what I believe G_d would instruct us to do. Even beliefs that produce evil behavior should be learned. Why? There is no power like the power of knowledge. The more you know about it the more you can teach pulling them away from evil and more into peaceful loving faith.

Organized religion does not promote peace and love rather it promotes intolerance and judgement. This intolerance and judgement breeds an uncomfortable place for most because immediately they feel like they are being judged. Being judged in the mind equals a feeling of isolation and avoidance. There is no love in casting strong judgement upon others and before doing so be sure your hands are clean. I’m sure no ones hands are that clean to put themselves in the judgement seat. Jesus loved everyone the same and if we are to do as Jesus did why do we set up institutions with leaders whose sole purpose is to judge?

So why do I belong to one of the largest organized religions. I think about this a lot and the only answer I come up with is a desire for structure. Rules give me a sense of stability. As well, I feel like I’m part of a larger family. Honestly a couple years ago I came to the realization that I am not LDS rather I’m a Mormon. I don’t like the idea of being affiliated with the LDS church because they are a massive corporate greed machine. They want nothing more than obedient members who challenge nothing. It’s my nature to challenge and go against the grain. Joseph Smith went against every grain of society. For longer than that I’ve seen myself as a Mystic. I see faith in a multidimensional form. Everything that we think we know that’s black and white isn’t and there are multiple levels of belief that can take one’s mind into a deeper state. That G_d is ever present not just some experience we have rather we are living each day. Everything around us is united one with G_d and that we are present in it all together.

I don’t really know why I continue to put myself in the Mormon box. Maybe it’s because Joseph Smith fascinates me and that in many ways he himself was somewhat of a Mystic. First and most important is that I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. In the end that’s all that matters in this world. Religion shouldn’t define you rather your faith by example should. Spend less time worrying about what some church or it’s leaders think and spend more time reflecting on what G_d thinks. Ultimately you will answer to him in the end.

Peace for the New Year!

Here’s to the new year! Mine wasn’t that great. I ended up getting sick and being it was also my anniversary with my boyfriend well it just sucked that I was sick! As well I’ve been having some physical issues with pain and it hasn’t been fun. I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it is that I’m going to do with my life. With this pain I can’t keep doing what I’m doing.

I guess there’s a reason for everything that happens in our lives. I just take it day by day.

All this news about people being killed and racial issues… well, it’s taking it’s toll on me. People need to wake up and see what the government is doing. They are fueling these race issues and they are trying to cause an internal war people us all. We can’t let them do this but unfortunately people are so blind they don’t see what’s really there. People like Al Sharpon and Jesse Jackson are adding all the fuel and frankly they look like idiots. They are flat out racist themselves more so than most people so why do people even put value to what they say? it just drives me nuts. We need to bring peace to the world and show that it is love that brings down hate. We have to stop giving these negative haters a platform to spew their trash.

Christ wasn’t about hate, rather he was about love and peace!

Then we have these Islamic maniacs that seems completely out of control. Our government keeps feeding them money funding their terrorist behavior. Apparently we’re the example yet we feed the evil that exists. How is it that people don’t see the world for what it is today? How is it that people aren’t taking to the streets to say no we’re not tolerating this any longer?

We have to be the example of peace and love but that doesn’t mean that we have to sit and take it. There are points that we have to stand up to the bully and put him into his place. We have to tell them that this is unacceptable and we’re not going to take it anymore!

So how do we acquire a world of peace? It starts with one person’s impact on others. Those impacted then impact others… so on and so forth.

Peace!
Sadie

What to do next…

I’ve been racking my brain about what to do with my life. I want to do something that has purpose, something that makes me use my passion and interests. I see people that do it all the time but maybe it’s because they have the balls and I don’t. Surely things come easier to come then to others but for me the idea of putting into action something I have an interest in to make my living is a scary thought. What things am I interested in and with that could I make money doing it?

I’ve had an online business before that was somewhat successful. Mind the fact that I didn’t put 100% into it so as to why it wasn’t as successful as it could have been. I am however familiar with what it takes to run such a business. The plan I have in my mind is to do an online store with mystic/hippie/spiritual stuff. Those are things I have a deep interest in that make me happy. I enjoy talking about those things as well as living it day to day. So why not start such a business.

It comes down to this… I HATE working for someone! Sure you get to mindlessly go through your day without the responsibilities of owning a business; however the downside is the freedom to choose how you approach each and every day. When you work for someone they set the pace and expectations. The pressure isn’t with your personal goals in mind rather it’s someone else’s goals you’re trying to reach. That just sucks! As someone who owned her own business in the past I much prefer reaching for my own goals. My job is very stressful. It’s not that I mind stress but I want it to be my stress not stress inflicted upon me due to what upper management believes should be our success.

Who defines success? To me success can be just making it through the day. At times success to me can be making enough sales for the month to pay the bills and live comfortably. On another day success to me can be helping someone who genuinely needed my help. Success isn’t measured by a standard rule rather it’s what you see as your own personal achievement. I come into work each day with one thing on my mind; G_d please let me just get through this day. I end my day with my neck, shoulders and back killing me from the stress of the day. It’s not how I ever imagined my life to become.

I don’t long to be a millionaire, I simply want to live comfortably. I want to be satisfied and content not by others definition but rather my own. For now I’ll do it for fun see where it takes me (the online business). The next step would be to set up a table at outdoor music festivals and such. Finally if I made enough money I’d love to have a physical location to interact with others who come to shop. I know I can make this happen I just have to focus and set a plan in course. It’s not like I haven’t done it before!

Wish me luck!

Just another day…

This weekend the weather couldn’t have been more perfectly ideal for an outdoor rock concert. Friday and Saturday were really productive and Sunday I was able to be a complete couch potato… boy haven’t done that in ages. Just watched one movie after another. It may have been a bad idea though because by the end of the day my sibling set me off into a mood, my friend had some drama going on, and already missing J it just didn’t make for a pleasant night. I went to bed feeling very sad and I hate that feeling. Unfortunately I’m not exempt to having bad days… and Sunday ended badly.

I had this horrible itch last night for a spontaneous road trip. Just hop in my car and go but ah I have kids that have school the next day so that was just a thought I couldn’t act on… darn it! I do this on occasion… what lies inside me is a free spirit and it’s trapped in this corporate routine that kills me at times. A road trip makes me reconnect and just let go of the day to day stresses. Fortunately when the kids are away on break I’m able to break away from routine and hit the road. I realized realistically going to Canada is going to be very costly. Instead I think I’ll do my road trip and head to the mountains for some camping at a music festival. I just love doing that!

I’m missing my man a great deal. It’s been so long.

So here’s to another day!